John, a salesman, came to me looking for help with a problem he had been trying to deal with for many years. When he had intercourse with his wife, he would either have difficulty getting
an erection or he would ejaculate almost immediately without control. "The thing just doesn't work anymore. Is there anything you can do for me? Most of the time I don't let my wife touch me—it
makes my body cringe." I showed him how to use several acupressure points along with some therapeutic exercises.
We worked together on weekly assigned exercises for five months. During the first two weeks, he seemed to have no results; his penis responded no differently to his wife. The more he experimented with the acupressure points, the love positions, and the exercises for intimacy (see Chapter 4), however, the more comfortable he got. He began to feel his body relax. His new way of being completely changed his outlook on his sexual relationship, enabled him to relax and nurture himself, and he gained much more intimacy with his wife.
Unfortunately, these changes didn't affect his actual sexual perfor mance. He went through a lot of emotional pain and some depression about his problem. Finally, after practicing deep breathing exercises and spending time relaxing with his wife, John felt a shift in his sexual chemistry. He actually let his wife touch him again—and he enjoyed it.
"I thought it was my role to 'do it' to my wife," he said. "The pressures created within me, especially when I couldn't 'get it up/ made me so tense I couldn't handle her light caresses. It's strange how I'm able to relax and receive her touch now. Not having to be on top of her and in control (which didn't work to satisfy her anyway) opened up a whole new world for us."
Causes of Premature Ejaculation
Expectations and performance anxiety often cause physical tension. When a man's body is exhausted or weakened by stress, he may experience premature ejaculation. Acupressure releases this stress and tension, allowing the energy to flow freely, and it can restore sexual endurance. The truth is that every man ejaculates prematurely from time to time, and all men at some point in their lives experience periods of premature ejaculation.
To prevent premature ejaculation, stay relaxed and calm, slow down, giving everything time, slow and deepen your breathing, and let go of sexual expectations.
The Classic of the Plain Girl
Had we treated
impotence as matter-of- factly as we treat
a cold, there would probably be much
less of it. A single incidence of temporary impotence can trigger a deep-seated fear of permanent impotence in a man.
and Howard Levy
The Tao of Sex
Premature ejaculation is not the same as impotence, though it may lead to erective failure. With premature ejaculation, erection happens, but the man ejaculates outside of his partner, or soon after entering her. He often feels inadequate, and his partner is often left unsatisfied.
Other contributing causes of premature ejaculation and impotence include cultural pressures and the partner's expectations. Men who ejaculate prematurely, without conscious control, may also unconsciously be gripped by worries or stress over which they have no control.
Successful intercourse is an important goal for most heterosexual couples. It often creates great expectations and anxiety around a sexual situation. Men in particular are taught a performance-based attitude about sex, and they often measure their sex life by how often they achieve the goal of "getting it on" or simply "getting off." This narrow focus places men in a precarious situation. When a man discovers that he has limited control over his erection, his anxiety soars. He may view his penis and sexuality as malfunctioning. Unfortunately, this lack of control and performance anxiety can escalate fears about intimacy and openness with women.
To deal with uncontrolled ejaculation, a man usually becomes fixated on "holding back" the ejaculation, to slow it down. This impotence can trigger deliberate blocking of sexual stimuli can itself lead to erective failure, a vicious cycle. Premature ejaculation is a common psychosexual problem and responds well to Acupressure Healing.
Essential Dietary Considerations
For acupressure techniques to be effective in alleviating premature ejaculation, you must follow these dietary guidelines.
Avoid foods containing large amounts of sugar or preservatives.
Eliminate alcohol, drugs, and citrus juices from your diet.
Give up coffee and all caffeinated drinks.
Eat plenty of green vegetables, both raw and lightly cooked.
Eat more fish, which contains the essential minerals for winning your battle.
Beans are a common Oriental folk remedy to benefit the repro ductive organs. Adzuki beans are excellent for kidney disorders, while black beans are good for the sexual organs and a lack of
sexual appetite. Eating a mixture of three parts grain to one part beans not only combines all the essential amino acids to make a complete protein but strengthens the reproductive system in both men and women. According to traditional Chinese medicine, an excess of sugar can imbalance the spleen, pancreas, and liver, which also taxes the kidneys. Avoid sugar, and eat a balanced diet of whole fresh foods.
In traditional Chinese eroticism, loveplay (what Westerners term foreplay) is not finished until a man has consciously touched his partner thoroughly all over and obtains four erection conditions: enlargement, engorgement, warmth, and hardness. Massaging a man's feet and toes can help him to obtain these four conditions of erection. The liver meridian originates in the large toe and governs the circulation of blood into the penis. Thus, stimulating the acupressure liver points on the thighs, feet, and toes can increase a man's sexual vitality.